Am I growing up?

Can you believe I’m stuck in Finland for the next forever of four months?

boats are always aesthetically pleasing

My family will be happy to hear I’m working now until September, when I leave for university in London. The nagging can stop now, thank you.

Did I mention that university thing yet? King’s College London is the next major chapter of my life. I guess it is kind of massive news. There’s tons to be scared and concerned about but right now I’m focusing on how much I love the city of London – it already feels like home – and how refreshingly nice it is to have a somewhat secure future plan studying something I am genuinely extremely interested in: English & Film Arts.

As for work, I’ll be making lots of furry friends working at the cafe of the Helsinki local zoo. I sent in the application because I saw the notice and as a joke figured I always loved animals so why not spend my summer around them. The next day, I walked away with the job. Oops/wohoo? Well, any day I get to go visit my best friend the sloth is a good day.


And other pretty faces around.

well hello sir
well hello sir

So naturally, I’ve been making the most of this precious free time I have had left. Getting free ice cream, taking midnight walks on the beach, making friends at bookshops.


Trying very hard to pretend I am une vraie artiste. Fake it till you make it, right?

polaroids hold nostalgic beauty
that looks more or less realistic right?

Getting a job, moving out, starting university studies – I even voted for the first time today! It all sounds horribly responsible. And when I say horribly, I do mean horrible. Does this mark the goodbye to any last traces of childhood in me? From now on is it all going to be responsible decision after responsible errand after responsible breakdown…?

I’m one of those people who’s had a midlife crisis since I was eight years old and suffered from the Peter Pan Syndrome. Who would want to grow up… adults are such strange creatures! Why don’t you see grown-ups on swing sets? I’m not a fan of the idea that I have to fit in with a certain crowd or appearance, doubt people’s intentions and honesty… This is the Peter Pan in me speaking out. Childhood is happy and innocent and so full of life. And then you grow up.

Is this the inescapable sentence of life?

I think perhaps we might find a way around it.

classy coffee dates
classy coffee dates

I will go ahead and do that useful growing up and take all the wonderful things that come with it. Independence to travel the world by myself without ending up in a ditch, to make a living to afford exactly the coffee I want. Doing my own thing on my own terms.

That sounds good! So okay, I can deal with this growing up thing.

But at the same time I intend on growing not only up and on the outside, I intend on growing down and around and diagonally and inside out. Being an adult doesn’t mean that is the only thing you have to be. In fact, you can’t be. Every moment of your life you have lived is in you, in your memories, on your skin. Yes I am 19 years old, and also 2 and 5 and 8 and 11 and 16. I’ve lived it all and I wouldn’t be who I am now if any of it were excluded. So I can deal with paying taxes because that means I’m actually making some money and am capable of taking care of myself, and then I can go straight ahead and jump on my bed and swing on that swing set.

it also doesn't hurt my love for Peter Pan that he was a total heart throb in my childhood
it also doesn’t hurt my love for Peter Pan that he was a total heart throb in my childhood

Maybe it’s not the Peter Pan Syndrome but the Peter Pan Balance.




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